I came home from Blissdom and I have to admit that stepping into today was a little overwhelming.
Going to Blissdom this year was a great experience.
I love how God almost always works in the complete opposite way that I expect. I went in thinking that this year would be about forming lots of new connections.
It wasn’t.
No, I didn’t come away with a TON of new online blogging friends, although I did meet a few new friends, including my roommates who were awesome.
But I did do a lot of reconnecting with friends.
I enjoyed chatting with my friends, Amy from Mom’s Toolbox, Toni from The Happyhousewife, and Lynn from Lynn’s Kitchen Adventures. These ladies know me, but I felt as if I had lost contact with them over the last year. I love that I was able to share meals with them and spend time reconnecting.
I came away from Blissdom secure in what I’m doing as a blogger.
Most of the sessions I went to helped to reconfirm what I am passionate about and where I want to go in blogging. I want to write from my heart. I want to write what I’m passionate about, but I don’t want blogging and social media to overtake my life.
Jon Acuff was an incredible key note speaker to open the conference! I am looking forward to reading his book, Quitter, which was given to everyone in attendance.
Through his presentation, I was challenged to ask myself, “What am I passionate about?” and “What are the things that matter to me?”
In her session on being present in a demanding role, Claire Ortiz outlined a simple framework for organizing her days. I am going to incorporate these into mine as well. Most of these I already strive to do, but doing them on a consistent basis will really make a huge impact for me.
Her steps are outlined using the acronym PRESENT:
Pray
Read
Express
Schedule
Exercise
Nourish
Track
My favorite session “How to Fall in Love with Writing Again” with writer Jeff Goins was the most beneficial to me personally. I came away from it ready to fall in love with writing again by being energized to write passionately and writing for myself rather than for an audience. It is my goal to write something everyday.
I am thankful for the time I had away this weekend. I feel refreshed and I am focused on living and blogging with more passion.
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Okay, I’m taking a deep breath and adding a bit of scary honesty to this post…
In his writing session at Blissdom, writer Jeff Goins challenged us to write something dangerous – something that challenges the status quo. And then share it, no matter how scared you are, and believe me, I’m scared…
While I did enjoy Blissdom immensely, I am coming away with some mixed feelings.
For a while I have felt that I don’t quite *fit* within the blogging community.
I haven’t made these incredibly deep connections that other bloggers seem to have made with one another. Not just at Blissdom this weekend, but in general.
I am lacking this and I wonder what’s wrong with me.
Am I not worthy of your time, your investment, your friendship?
This is an area where I know I am insecure.
I put myself out there time and time again, expecting more than what I gain.
Is the putting out of myself worth the emptiness and hurt that I come away with?
I’m not interested in making money through my blog.
I’m doing it as a hobby…solely for the enjoyment of doing it, of sharing life, and preserving our memories and my thoughts.
I know that this makes me stand apart from the crowd.
I wonder if my proclamation of this makes me seem arrogant. I hope not…that’s not a character trait that I desire to portray at all. I am so far away from having anything about this figured out. And I promise I’m not judging you or anyone else for seeking to monetize.
Even as I have brushed away the pursuit of money, in my own pursuit of acceptance in blogging, I have taken precious time away from my children, my husband, and our home.
Time that cannot be given back.
I see the connections, the deep friendships that other bloggers share and I am green with envy.
I want what they have.
I want what you have.
I want what seems to be just beyond my reach.
I went into this weekend with lofty goals of stepping outside my own place of comfort and connecting.
I come home feeling like a failure in too many ways.
Fadra says
Monica – thank you for being brave and sharing your thoughts. I was a Community Leader and know a lot of people and yet I spent much of the time feeling a bit lonely. It’s an odd sort of feeling. I consider most of the women to be colleagues and some are friends. But being a blogger doesn’t always cause us to form a deep bond. I get that.
As for not wanting to make money, GOOD FOR YOU! I have always worked and I enjoy blogging so much that I’d like to use it as a platform so I can keep the flexibility in my career and not go back to an office job. I think it’s great that you do it simply for the enjoyment. A lot of bloggers lose that feeling along the way.
But the thing that got me… is measuring how much this impacts my family life. I walked away with a reawakening that I’m doing what I need to be doing but I need to be much better at balancing my life and making the best use of my time.
And thanks for letting me post a super long comment here 🙂
Monica says
Thank you so much for your comment!
It can be so hard to find the right balance between family life and online work/social media. I will pray for you as you seek to do that.
Maddie says
Monica,
Your sharing is sublime and cut to the heart of the mattter. I would like to say we met at Blissdom but I suspect we did not with so many women and so little time ( If we did I am sorry my head is a mess) . I am sorry for that. I just registered for the comment and am not linking up my site since I left Blissdome with more questions and than answers but an inkling that my direction is changing.. so much to think about. Thank you for sharing. Posting mine up in a second ( got to go get on brave girl panties first 🙂
Maddie
Sue says
Monica – I left BlissDom having learned several helpful, practical things just like you, but also feeling kind of empty at the same time. I “connected” with several people, but many of those connections lacked the depth that I was hoping for and I’m not sure if it was because of the hectic, fast-paced environment that we were surrounded with or if I just had really unrealistic expectations. — All of that to say…you’re not alone in your feelings. — Thanks for being brave enough to share your heart.
Monica says
Thank you, Sue. I think some unrealistic expectations are certainly partly to blame for me as well. It is comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in my “empty” feelings.
Sarah says
Monica, I could have written this post (and I sort of did this morning over on my blog!).
I came home totally under water. I absolutely get you. I thought I would come home with hundreds of business cards and tons of new friends. That did not happen.
At first I felt like I must have done something wrong, like I wasn’t meant to be blogging or attending blogging conferences. But, I also realize it is nearly impossible to create deep friendships in two days where I am just going going going from one thing to the next. It also didn’t help that I spent so much time lost! (I almost joined a wedding party by mistake – no joke!).
Someone told me, even if we didn’t say hello at the conference, we can still say hello now. So, I am saying hello! And I hope to learn more about you.
Monica says
I just stopped by your blog to say “hello” now :). I loved my visit at your blog and I even subscribed. I can’t wait to get to “connect” with you now.
I had my share of getting lost, too. And getting lost makes me totally nervous and stressed!
Lauren says
Are you in my head? Because this could very well have come from my own heart as well! Thank you for writing this and not making me feel so bad for feeling the way I have.,I can so relate to wanting the connections! I too only blog (or boogie as my auto correct wants to say :D) because I enjoy it and believe God has given me a platform to use for his glory. But I have found it easy to lose my way and waste the time I could have spent pouring into my family and irl friends. I am grateful for the few fast friends I have made who I feel are kindreds – be encouraged, you are a great encouragement to many! Let God use you how he will, when he will, where he will!
Monica says
Thank you so much for this encouragement!
Adventures In Babywearing says
I am so glad to read your words. I have been in the blogging community for many years and am just now making a change to make blogging only a hobby, and not a source of income. To see the look on many faces this past weekend at the conference, that is not a common desire of a blogger.
But I walked away from Blissdom with the confirmation that I do want to stop blogging so much. And I don’t need to be in certain circles or even be known. Whomever finds me to read will find me. Whomever seeks out my friendship is worthy of it. Things like that. (If that makes sense!) It’s very daring and rare and also quite lonely. I had a lot of friends at Blissdom but found myself feeling very alone as well. I loved Jeff’s session as well as a few others that really validated my unpopular feelings. There is room for us- and I know there are more people feeling this way than will confess. Thank you for sharing yours.
Steph
Monica says
Thank you for writing this. No, it’s not a common desire to blog just for the enjoyment of blogging. Blogging has become work…work that is heavy laden with duty and requires so much time to make it work “right”.
The thoughts you walked away from Blissdom make complete sense to me. It’s some of the very same thoughts that I have had, especially upon leaving Blissdom 2010.
Thank you for sharing the changes you are making with your own blogging. It is comforting to know that I’m not the only one when it feels that way so often!
Teri Lynne Underwood says
You spoke my heart … that is exactly how I feel, often. When it’s not about the money or growing or accomplishing “big” things but merely about being a voice that whispers in the throng of shouting, it’s hard. Hard to find a place, to find a purpose, to know if it matters.
Thank you for sharing … and for giving me a hug. Why oh why didn’t we take a picture?????
Monica says
I know…I would have loved to have spent more time with you and taken a picture :). Hopefully, next time!!
Jennifer Scruggs says
Monica—
First of all, i love your guts, and I am so glad you blog, since it’s been a way for us to keep in touch! I very much enjoy the glimpses of your life and your heart that you share here.
Even though I don’t blog and haven’t been to a conference in ages, I can relate to the “lonely in a crowd” feeling, and the longing for deeper connections.
What God has shown me over the years, and through different seasons, is that HE is in charge of connections. Some seasons have been full of several deep friendships, and some seasons have been lean on friendships, but RICH in relationship to him. I’ve also learned that I cannot force these connections— only God can create “kindred spirits” (as Anne of Green Gables would call them).
I will be praying for you as you continue to process, and to implement all God is showing you.
I am VERY EXCITED about getting to SEE YOU once you make the move south. We will FOR SURE have to do a play date with the kiddos— and hopefully a coffee or meal just the two of us. I’m all about deeper connections, after all. 😉
Jenn
Monica says
Jennifer, you are such an incredible friend and encourager! I remember the same feeling of being lost in a crowd many times at First North, but I pressed on and found a place. You were someone who always made me feel welcome!
You’re so right…God is in charge of ever connection I do or don’t make. He knows so much more than I and His plans and ways are so much higher than my own!
I am so excited about seeing you soon!!! I can’t wait to get our kids together for a playdate, but more than that, I cannot wait to spend some quality face-to-face time with you!!!
Amy @ MomsToolbox says
Oh, Monica.
It kills me to hear that you think of yourself as a failure.
I have so much admiration for you and I love that you blog because you love to blog and that is all. But I know what it is like to sit there and here everyone talk about business strategy and think… “but I’m just doing this for fun and I want it to stay that way. Is that so wrong??” I feel that way about MomsToolbox and MomsTravelTales.
I admire how you are able to touch lives and inspire others to throw themselves into chronicling their family stories with your scrapbooking posts. I love that you are serving your family, and sharing with others in that way.
I love your smile and your kindness and that that you were brave enough to offer to come hang out with me on my little project… and I’m bummed I had to change my mind.
I’m so thankful you were there this weekend. And I am so glad to have been able to spend time with you.
You are an amazing and amazingly brave woman. I feel so fortunate to call you friend. 🙂
Monica says
Amy,
I am so honored that I get to call you a friend! I really cherish the time that we were able to have together! You are always so positive and encouraging!!!
You really are a blessing in my life.
nicole says
I’m going to comment and then go back and read the other comments.
I am so like you in my perspective on blogging. I don’t do it to monetize, and I don’t think I ever will. And I am feeling a big pull to share more of myself, but I’m still not sure how I am going to do that or what exactly the sharing is supposed to do.
As for the connections: I do have that with a few bloggers, but I don’t know if that is because of the blog at all, except that it is how we encountered each other. I think that we would have those deep bonds in real life too (well, I did finally meet one person this weekend and it was really great). I don’t think there is anything wrong with you and I don’t think you are a failure! Goodness–that is hard to see you say, and I just met you! I think if you just keep writing and being true to you, you’ll find the connections. And if you don’t, you are still reaching out and touching people. I’m sure of it. God doesn’t place a desire on our heart that doesn’t bear fruit. So, if you feel led to continue to writing here, I believe that you will find something amazing along the way. Maybe it just won’t look the way you expect it to. I would have loved to talk to you more outside of a session. Maybe in the future.
Monica says
I really enjoyed sharing some great sessions with you at my table this weekend! I, too, would have loved to talk to you more outside the sessions. I love the heart you have for your children. It really shined through.
Mary says
Monica ~ I commend you for writing this. I feel like you and I are alike in so many ways.
I only blog for myself – it is a hobby and I definitely don’t make money doing it. I also doing feel that I’ve made but one or two lasting and true friendships via blogging. In fact, I have been hurt and criticized more times than I would like.
You are accepted by God – and loved by your family. That is what truly matters. Your blog is a beautiful legacy for your children – they will look back some day and see how much you loved them, not how accepted you were by the blogging community.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Monica says
Thank you so much, Mary. I agree…I do feel like we are alike in many ways! I have noticed that several times.
I’m sorry that you have been hurt and criticized for the decisions you have made in blogging…they’re not the most popular ones and taking a stand is really hard.
I love that you are so intentionally focused on your family! And, in the end, I am convinced, that’s going to matter so much more than anything else we may be doing online.
Scrollwork: Quirkyisms from a Tropical Transplant says
Hi, Monica, I’m glad I found you via Jeff Goins today.
I’ve never been to a blogging conference in the year and a half I’ve been blogging. Thank you for showing me a realistic picture. You may have saved me from quite a bit of a letdown.
Are any of the thoughts I’m about to share relatable for either you or your readers?
Since I’m the textbook definition of an introvert, the feeling of being alone in a crowd has been a lifelong perspective. It was hard as a child, but I’m at peace with it as an adult. Blogging already fulfills my need for connection with people other than real-time friends and family, because connecting in person with many people all at once drains me. My closest and longest-lasting friendships are with non-bloggers with whom I worked for a decade or more. Apart from maybe three people, I don’t know my commenters in real life. I actually prefer it that way. I hesitated for quite a bit before accepting Facebook friend requests (for my personal account) from several people I met through my blog.
The isolation for me, then, is the fact that I’m not a niche blogger. Neither a mommy blogger, a techie blogger nor a baby boomer blogger well over 50. I’m somewhere in between: a 48-year-old stepgrandma who immigrated to the U.S. People from my home country don’t relate well to my blog, which is written to share quirky observations on life in the U.S. You’d think the topic would be interesting to them, but I have yet to ever hear from any of them. I think they’re intimidated by what they think is a language barrier for them.
Neither am I a “Christian genre” blogger, although I am a Christian and write as a person of faith. I’m a member of a sub-group on SheWrites, an online community of bloggers, but since I have no aspirations of having a novel published, it must not be fascinating enough to draw more than a couple of regular commenters from the thousands-strong SheWrites community.
These are some of the ways that my blog both connects me and distances me from my readers and potential readers. But since my children are grown and I work as a dance teacher in the evenings, my daytime hours spent blogging or running my online business are only begrudged by my cat. I rarely stay online once the hubby’s home. With my investment in the blog at a minimum, my expectation of a return on that investment is also low.
Thank for your writing this courageous post.
Monica says
Thank you for your heartfelt and very honest comment.
It is very hard to find a place within this blogging world.
Barbie says
Monica, I am so sorry you came home feeling like a failure. You are not a failure. You are a beautiful example of His love, and a light in the blogging community. I know how you feel. I follow so many blogs, of all sizes, and yet I am drawn to those with the “big audiences, those who make money, those who have lots of sponsors”. I fight the urge every day to do more with my blog. But God keeps telling me to simply be who He created me to be. The rest will take care of itself. I have loved following your blog and I hope that I have encouraged you along your journey. God loves you and your blog just the way you are.
Kimberly says
I came home with some of those same feelings. Those are also feelings that I’ve been dealing with for a long time in the blogging world. While I have made some close connections that I am grateful for, sometimes I do feel like the relationships and friendships are forming, just out of my reach.
For what it’s worth, I shared the cab with you on the way from the airport, and I think you are an amazing person!
sarah beals says
Just stumbled across your blog and am so glad I did. Thanks for your honest post. It is hard to connect on line with lots of little ones and a busy life. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 🙂 ha,ha