We have been going strong all week. We had a pretty busy day today and our bedtime routine was a little bit rushed tonight.
Keith and I had a planned date to chat while watching Biggest Loser tonight after the kids went to bed, so we read a very short story and quickly said our prayers. I know that was not the perfect mommy thing to do, but I’m not a perfect mommy.
So, it was no real surprise that Will had a hard time going to sleep. I heard him rustling around in his crib and talking to himself for almost an hour. I thought for sure he would eventually wear himself out and fall off to sleep.
He didn’t.
He began crying.
Very loudly.
I went in once and held him and rocked him in my arms just a few minutes and put him back down so I could return to my converation with Keith.
But he soon began crying again.
I don’t know what it is about Will, but my heart breaks when I hear him cry.
I was much more structured and not as sympathetic with EA and MC’s cries. Maybe that’s because there were two of them and I knew it was virtually impossible to attend to their every cry.
Will just sounds so pitiful. I couldn’t let him suffer long before I went in and picked him up.
I brought him into my room and held him in my arms as I chatted online with his daddy.
It felt so good to have quiet, relaxed, peaceful time with my baby.
I know I haven’t been able to give him as much attention since Keith returned back to Iraq from his leave. Keith was able to hold him and play with him more. It’s just easier to give all the children more attention and focused affection when there are two parents around.
In some ways I feel guilty because I cannot provide the amount of undivided attention to each of my children that they cherish and need so much. I don’t dwell on that guilt because I know there’s not much that I can do to change our reality. I do the best that I can.
As I sat with Will in my lap, laying his sweet head on my shoulder, his arms wrapped around me, I realized that I needed this time alone with him as much as he did.
Not only are my children feeling the absense of their Daddy, but so am I. I needed to be held by someone. I needed to be in contact with another human that loves and cares about me.
Tonight I spent time holding my baby boy.
I didn’t rush him back to bed.
I just held him.
I didn’t get irritated that he wasn’t settling down on my time schedule.
I just held him.
And enjoyed him.
I cherished the alone time with my son in my arms.
I want to remember this moment when the pressures of tomorrow are crowding in on me. I want to remember the benefits of just slowing down and enjoying time with my children.
Because it is time well spent.
**Note: This picture was not taken tonight. Keith took it of Will during his leave and it’s too adorable not to share.**
Suzanne says
It’s funny that you mention being less structured with your 3rd – I am that way with Paige. We originally planned to stop after #2 was born but changed our minds when she was 6 months old. I firmly believe that God laid it on our hearts to have a 3rd so that I would have some fond/loving memories of the baby stage. Not that the first 2 were tough, just that I was so structured I forgot to take joy in it… the 3rd one threw all that out the window. I would hold her and smell her head (nothing beats the smell of freshly washed baby hair!) and I wouldn’t complain when she got up to nurse in the middle of the night – even though the other 2 had been sleeping thru the night long before that age. So glad you got a little snuggle in.
Suzanne’s last blog post..Happy 4th Birthday Paige
Stephanie says
We have also discovered the benefit of one-on-one time with our girls. In the past 2 months, we have been making more of an effort to get time alone with each of the girls. You are right – it makes such a difference in all of our relationships. I am glad that you found so much joy in spending the time with Will.
Happy Mama says
I know how that feels. It definitely was so hard to give everyone their much needed attention when Hubby was commuting back and forth to Detroit last year. He was exhausted, I was exhausted and the kids were SOOOOO demanding!
Becoming Me says
I am so less structured with my boy too, I think it may be because I know he’s our last one…and he just has this way with me…hard to explain.
Becoming Me’s last blog post..A Little Soiree-UBP 2009 (Updated)
Charlene says
My baby boy is a senior in college; I’ve had to reach up to hug his neck for several years already. I know it seems impossible now, but they really do grow up so fast. Cherish every moment of that sweet baby love you can get.
Charlene’s last blog post..Ultimate Blog Party 2009
Homegrownstrawberries says
I have recently been trying to make an effort to do this with The Girl. I hold The Boy all the time he is still very much a baby but The Girl not so much so I have been trying to find time to snuggle her even if she doesn’t always want it.
Homegrownstrawberries’s last blog post..Lots of Parties!
Maggie says
Monica – This made me cry… for you and for Will. And, for the girls and for Keith too. And, for my kids… especially Olivia who is expected to be all grown up… at 7… because the boys need more! More attention, more help, more teaching. I’m sad for all the times I can’t stop and take my beautiful children — each individually and collectively — in my arms and let them FEEL how much they are loved and appreciated. Thanks for making me remember that today.
xo maggie
Maggie’s last blog post..THANKFUL THURSDAY – On Friday
Uma says
Ok, I was laughing about the MC’s apology a second ago and now I’m tearing up for little Will. I sure hope the next few months will fly by and you guys will be reunited again.
Uma’s last blog post..Just Some Pics