I’m learning more and more, especially being a mother, that life has so many contradictions.
In fact, just today, I have been faced with two contradictions with just little Jenny.
As a nursing mom, one of my biggest concerns is always that I am giving my baby enough milk for them to grow and thrive. I’m constantly asking my husband if Jenny looks like she’s getting bigger.
“Do you think she’s gaining weight?”
“Her face looks like it’s filling out, doesn’t it?”
“Does she feel heavier to you?”
To be honest, I’ve never really *loved* the newborn phase of having a baby because there is so much to worry about, one of those worries being weight gain and healthy growth.
But then, at the same time, I don’t want them…I don’t want her…to grow up either. I want to hold on to my babies and cherish every moment of their lives.
This morning when I dressed Jenny, I had to literally squeeze her into her cute little newborn outfit. Later in the day, I changed her because it just seemed to be uncomfortable for her.
Sadly, I will be packing up her newborn clothing tomorrow.
How is this happening already??
Contradiction #1: I want her to grow, but I don’t want her to grow out of her cute clothes…bottom line really is that I don’t want her to grow up.
For the last week or two, Jenny has had some fussy periods, especially in the evenings.
I’ve struggled during these fussy periods to get my baby to nap after feedings. We’ve had some tiny cat naps and we’ve skipped other naps in lieu of three hour periods of cluster feeding.
The ultimate goal of those days has been survival.
Today has been different, though.
She’s had great naps between feedings all day today.
Tonight, for the first time since she was born she’s sleeping away in her swing instead of in my arms.
And you know what???
I miss her.
I actually want to wake her up.
Contradiction #2: I want her to have good days in regards to sleeping, but I miss her so much when she’s asleep.
{sigh}
I guess I could go clean the kitchen while she’s sleeping.
LifeAtTheCircus says
I can def relate to this! I am looking forward to my little guy sleeping through the night one day and yet I know I’ll miss the time of snuggling together once it is gone. Great reminder to cherish each moment and each day!
.-= LifeAtTheCircus´s last blog ..So Glad That Some Things Never Change =-.
Kim Voiles says
You have articulated so much of what I go through when my babies are brand new! I worry and work so hard on keeping my milk supply up … I look forward to the days when they are content with toys and playthings so I don’t have to be the only source of entertainment and then miss those times when all they wanted was me 😉
I always try and remember that the cocoon season (all wrapped up in your home helping that little life grow) is precious and oh-so-short but in the thick of it, it can be so difficult to see around the bend. You are in such a special season of life but it has to be the most taxing emotionally and physically too. Treasure the sweet times, Monica and don’t feel bad when you wish the hard ones away … survival is part of the process too 😉 Blessings!
.-= Kim Voiles´s last blog ..Homeschooling Q -amp A Part 2 =-.
Maggie Mae says
LOL… or sleep, Monica ;o)
.-= Maggie Mae´s last blog ..Pneumonia- Everything I Never Wanted to Know =-.
Michelle says
Sigh! I remember those baby days and all the conflicting thoughts and emotions I use to feel!
It IS hard to believe that you are already packing up your baby clothes!
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Are You a Sap =-.