My heart is full and overflowing after being in church this morning.
Because my husband is a chaplain in the Army we don’t get to attend our local church. His place of ministry is the post chapel.
Because my calling is to help and support my husband, my place of ministry is the post chapel.
While we have enjoyed our chapel here at Ft. Lee more than any other chapel we’ve attended during our time of ministry in the Army, it’s just not the same as the local church.
Because the chapel has to in many ways, “be all things to all people”, it feels dry and empty.
We have joined an incredible local church where we send our tithe and have our children involved in activities such as children’s choir and AWANA.
This has been a true blessing to our family.
This morning the children’s choir was singing in the morning services, so we missed chapel to allow our girls to sing.
As I sat in the midst of this fellowship of believers singing, praising, and worshiping, I was filled with an incredible longing.
A longing to be a part of this.
Tears streamed down my face as I acknowledged that I miss church so much…more than I can adequately express.
I miss being in a place filled with God’s presence.
I miss worship.
I miss the big choir and orchestra.
I miss the fellowship.
I miss the preaching.
I miss it all.
My face was a huge mess after the service from the tears that I could not stop.
Like a sponge, I soaked up every bit of the service that I could…so much so that I think I was filled to the brim and the tears were just the abundance flowing out.
In many ways I want to say forget the chapel…I miss church! I’m doing what I want to do.
But I can’t.
I can’t because we have been called to something different.
After the service this morning, I spoke to the pastor’s wife.
I expressed to her how good it was to be in church.
In such a caring way, she asked me how I was doing? If I was lonely?
I knew she understood my heart.
She said that they’ve been doing *this* {ministry} for twenty-three years. She talks to her mom,..she talks to her sisters…she talks to her husband’s mom.
Yes, I am lonely.
I crave fellowship.
I long for connection.
I said I was doing okay.
Then she said that you have to remember and go back to your calling.
And that’s exactly what I needed to hear.
As much as I miss church, miss being just another church member, miss being a part of a local church, it’s not what we’ve been called to do.
We have been called to minister to soldiers and their families.
I’ve been called to stand by my husband’s side as he serves in our chapel.
As hard as it is to miss out on the things that my heart longs for…I know that it would be harder to neglect our calling or even to resent our calling.
So, I’ll gladly support my husband and his ministry.
And when the opportunity to be in church presents itself, I’ll count it as a blessing.
I’ll praise God for every opportunity he gives for me to be a part of my local fellowship.
I’ll soak up those times and let God’s presence fill me and renew me to serve and support my husband as he serves the soldiers of our country and their families.
Sonita Lewis says
You will be blessed so much by serving but I know sometimes it’s hard. God bless you!
Laura says
Just know that many spouses come to you just like you have gone to the pastor’s wife – you are an inspiration to everyone you meet. Take a deep breath and know you are not alone.
Kristi says
Thank you! As a new chaplain’s wife I’ve found this aspect of things hard and it’s just so nice to know that I’m normal, that someone else out there thinks like me, and that you still want to serve God in this way even after years of sacrifice. Thank you!