I decided to start this new blog to be more personal. I had a blog that I really wasn’t keeping up with very well in which I just wrote out some thoughts on some blog prompts from digitalscrapbookplace.com. I recently began to look at some blogs of other Christian women and was impressed with how personal they made their blogs. I decided to tackle the challenge of keeping up with a more personal blog.
In doing so, I am plagued with the question of what should my first post be. I think I would like to use this first post to introduce myself as a Christian wife and mother. This task can be best accomplished by sharing with you my personal testimony. I wrote this testimony during a bible study at Brookwood Church last spring. Please pardon the length. I promise not to always be this long.
My testimony is one of God’s sovereignty, love, acceptance, and companionship. The greatest need of my life has been met through my relationship with Christ.
Even as a child I had an overwhelming need to be loved and accepted. I wanted acceptance from my parents, other family members, friends, teachers, you name it. I wanted someone to love and accept me for who I was and in spite of who I was. I think this need to be accepted was so great because of my terrible fear of being alone…not necessarily lonely, but ALONE. I did lots of things to gain acceptance. I made good grades, I said good things, and I behaved my best, but all these things weren’t good enough – something was still missing.
I think I have always had a draw towards God. I always really enjoyed going to church and somehow knew that there was something important there. In middle school I started attending church regularly with a friend and went to church camp with her that summer. I was what I would call a camp “dork”. I enjoyed every minute of it!! I listened intently to the sermons and thought this could be my chance for acceptance but I was still only looking for human acceptance. I went forward at the end of camp with a decision to be baptized. I thought this would really make everyone proud of me. I left camp and shared my decision, but nothing really changed. I started hanging out with a “wrong” crowd at school thinking my acceptance would be found there, but still no.
The next year I heard a sermon during the homecoming service at the church I was going to and things finally clicked. God loves me and accepts me unconditionally!! In fact, he sent his son to earth in order to die for my sins. If I would only accept Christ’s payment for my sins then I would have eternal life and I would be accepted as a child of God forever! I made a decision to do just that.
When I left home for college, I was often lonely but never alone with Christ. During my sophomore year in college I became active in a local church and my faith really began to grow stronger and deeper. God met every need I had and taught me so much from his Word and Godly mentors. I felt his call upon my life and surrendered my life to Him. I had my entire life as a missionary planned out, but little did I know that God had a different plan. I met my future husband, Keith, at my church during the missions conference where I confirmed my commitment to surrender my life to be used by God as he willed.
One of the things that attracted me to Keith in the beginning was his spiritual maturity and knowing that he was a seminary graduate. Our marriage has been pretty eventful because of the ministry but God has faithfully demonstrated his sovereignty, love and acceptance even when I could not see it.
I never understood how deeply, intensely, and unconditionally God loves me until I became a mother. My twin girls were born ten weeks prematurely because I became ill with a severe form of pre-eclampsia. Four days after their birth I almost lost one of my precious babies. In that moment of dark despair I couldn’t force myself to question God’s ability to take her because I knew that he gave his only son so I could have life. I was actually willing to accept the unacceptable. But in His goodness and grace God was with me during that time of uncertainty and he also saw fit to spare my babies life.
Keith was sent to serve in the chaplaincy at Ft. Campbell, KY when our babies were only six weeks old and was deployed to Iraq when they were six months old. I have had many times of loneliness and have struggled with trying to be a good mother. God has been with me during this time. He has met my every need and has accepted and loved me when I have failed so many times.
I made a decision for Christ fourteen years ago. Since then my life has been far from perfect but because of my personal relationship with Jesus Christ I have a peace in knowing that I am loved, accepted, and will never be alone.
Janete says
hey monica,
i just scrolled through your blog history and read your testimony! what a powerful testimony, that had me crying at points! thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us!
janete