I come to you today writing a post I don’t want to write.
I’m going to write on a topic that I really never wanted to bring up here.
But, as the news is swirling about the surprising death of beloved actor Robin Williams and the topics of depression and suicide abound, this is a post that I cannot not write.
My family has a history with clinical depression and suicide that I wish I could deny or forget.
I often ignore it…and pretend that the dirty fingers of this disease hasn’t affected me or the ones that I love.
But it has.
Almost three years ago, I got a horrible phone call that cut through the core of my being.
My granddaddy had committed suicide.
Even now, I cannot adequately put words together to describe the gamut of emotions I went through during that time of grief and mourning.
I announced his going home here and many of you reached out and expressed sympathy that meant so much at that time.
But I never told anyone how it was that he went home.
I never told anyone that he did the unthinkable.
I was angry.
I was ashamed.
I was heart-broken.
My granddaddy’s suicide took us all by complete surprise, just as the suicide of Robin Williams may have for many yesterday as well.
My granddaddy was a man of strength and character.
His faith was strong and unwavering.
He loved his family fiercely.
But he was fighting a battle that felt bigger than he.
Still I have many unanswered questions about my grandfather’s death.
I don’t understand this disease that effects so many people and tears their lives apart.
As a military spouse, I have also seen it’s devastation of soldiers serving in the Army.
I have seen too many young people turn to suicide as a valid option when life seems hopeless.
So…What can we do?
Honestly, I don’t have any solid answers. There are no pat, trite answers to this question.
I think a first step is being honest and real with ourselves and each other.
We must stop hiding because we are ashamed of the way that we have been affected by depression and it’s effects.
I must stop hiding.
In our relationships, we must tear down walls and reach out when we see that our friends are hurting.
We cannot be afraid to ask them if they need help, or even if they are planning to kill themselves.
I have heard the claims that those suffering from depression are just looking for attention. Well, I say, GIVE IT TO THEM!
Reach out to those around you who are hurting, who are struggling with depression and sadness. Be a friend to them and show them that you care. And then…go one step further…escort them to the help that they need in the moment.
At the heart of depression is the loss of hope.
In a state of depression, all that our minds eye can see is hopelessness.
There is no hope of happiness. There is no hope of better days. There is just…nothing, nothing but the sadness and desperation of the moment lasting an unthinkable forever.
As believers in Christ, we have hope that we can offer the world.
We have a present and eternal hope that many in the world need to know exists.
Our hope is in Christ.
Without Him there is no hope.
Without Him there is no peace.
Without Him there is no joy.
Without Him there is no life.
If we are believers in Christ, we must share Him as the answer to our loved ones who are struggling with depression, BUT not in the trite, condescending, super-spiritual way I have heard many use on those who struggle with this disease.
We must go beyond giving pat answers.
We must care, truly care about those who are struggling to find joy in their battles.
We must seek to encourage one another and build each other up, rather than tear down and pick one another apart.
Also, we must realize that knowing Christ doesn’t exempt us from struggles in this life. It doesn’t exempt us from struggling with depression. A struggle with this horrible disease doesn’t mean that one isn’t a believer or is less of a believer than you are.
It can be a very confusing thing for a believer to struggle with depression.
I know…I have had that struggle.
Friends, we must love one another in and through our struggles.
We must know that we are not alone.
We must let others know that they are not alone.
Let’s make a commitment to do that.
Meghan says
(((HUGS))) for the loss of your Granddaddy. Great post!
Jodi says
Sorry for your loss. hugs praying for you. Loved the post.
Dorothy Cantley says
Monica, this was beautiful and so true. I know it took a lot just to write it and I know your heart feels better and lighter for doing so. Your Mom shared this with me right after the funeral. I felt honored she trusted me to talk to!! She is a wonderful woman, strong in her faith, loves the Lord, her husband and her family. I loves and respect her and I know you girls are proud of your MOTHER!
Thanks again for sharing the thoughts from your heart. Love, Mrs. Dot
Laura C says
Very sorry for what you and your family went thru and I am sure are still going thru now. This was a very courageous post.
Sarah says
I’m glad I went back to read what i have missed on your blog. The final question that the girls had for me tonight about suicide was “it is bad?” Such a hard question to answer. All I could say is suicide leaves many people behind who don’t understand and are so sad. And that killing anyone is bad, so yes, in a way killing yourself is bad. I also ran into the chaplain at school today, which I feel is always God pushing us together because this only happens on days when the girls & I have deep discussions on the way to school. The thing he said that really stuck with me, was “we need to remember that even though we feel like we can’t hold onto God, he’s always there holding onto us” I’m sorry for the emptiness and questions that your grandfather actions left for you. Thank you for your courage to write about something that is very hard to talk about, but by doing so breaks down the walls that makes it hard.