Over the last nine plus weeks as I have set out to run it has been a battle of fighting lonely.
Lonely is the feeling that you’re the only one…the only one struggling so hard.
I’m the only one that can’t do this ran through my mind time and time again as I pounded the pavement.
Lonely is comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle and falling short.
Oh, how I fell short time and time again!
Lonely is feeling as if you don’t belong.
Lonely is searching the eyes of others along the route, looking for someone…anyone…feeling the same pain.
Lonely is doubting the words of Mandissa ringing through my ears…”The pain will only make you stronger…”
“Really? Because I don’t feel one bit stronger.”
Lonely is the tears running down my face as I fail to meet goal after goal.
Lonely is a weak body and an ever weaker mind.
As I finished the Couch to 5K program this morning I felt finally myself winning this battle.
I began to see that I am doing this…I am so much stronger than I was weeks ago.
As I ran this morning I saw what I was searching for in the eyes of runners along the way just like me.
I was able to wave and even smile back at them as our eyes met.
My biggest win in fighting this battle against lonely was being able to accept the encouragement of my husband without hesitation as I walked through our door.
Yes, I did this!
No, I am not alone.
I am not the only one struggling.
I do belong in the community of runners.
And the pain that I experienced over these last weeks has made me stronger. I have a stronger body, yes, but more importantly a stronger mind.
This fight with lonely is one that I have fought often as I have navigated my way through life, as I have sought community, and as I have struggled to consistently live out my faith.
Today the battle was won…tomorrow I will continue to fight.
This post was written in response to the prompt: Lonely from Five Minute Friday at Lisa Jo Baker’s. The point of 5 Minute Friday is to just write without worry if it’s right or not. It’s an exercise in pouring out words and writing free.
You can check out other Five Minute Friday posts here and even join in yourself!
Lynn says
Congratulations on finishing c25k!! I did it a few years ago and am still running. I am not sure I am a “runner” but I enjoy running more than I ever thought I would. It is great exercise and a great way to clear my mind. I can so relate to the thoughts you shared and I think many people can. Thanks for sharing them. And GREAT JOB!!
Barbie says
Congratulations! Good job!
Dina says
belonging is the opposite of lonely and I’m happy you have found in with runners! congratulations on 5K!
Dawn St Amand Paoletta says
Aw, that post is hard core sweetness, sweat and honest! Congrats and run one day. At a time. Just like our days of faith, right? AFter you at Lisa-Jo’s! 😉
Laura C says
Congrats for finishing! That is awesome! Sadly I didn’t make much progress 🙁 I started but can’t seem to get past week 2. The weather turned hot (I can’/won’t run in the heat and don’t have a treadmill), busy summer, etc. Hope to start back up in the fall when kids are in school.
Lori says
Inspiring as always MOnica! Can I say you INSPIRE me!
Melissa says
Good for you! And I hear you on the lonely thing
Also. Totally going to try the c25k again. I actually finished a 5 week version and haven’t even so much as walked since, but I’m going to start up again next week.