Yesterday as I watched this video from (In)Courage the words of Kristen from Chasing Blue Skies resonated with me.
She described being a military wife, moving to a new place. Being a military wife, she was good at forming new friendships, but in this new place she didn’t find friends.
Those words of hers could very well be my own words….my own struggle at this moment.
Yes, I am a military wife, and until now I haven’t had any trouble finding friends wherever we have been.
Even before becoming a military wife, when I was a college student, or a teacher, or a minister’s wife, or a new mom, I always found friendships wherever we were.
We have been back from Germany for two years now.
We have been living in this town, in this house, for exactly two years.
Two years, and I haven’t found any new friends here.
I haven’t found community.
Yes, I’ve met some people, I have several acquaintances, but the special bond of friendship, of community, of girlfriends sharing life together eludes me.
I miss Germany, not for the excitement and adventure of being in Europe. Not for travel. Not for new sights and sounds, but for friendship.
I miss Jordan, Carol, Ann, Sidney, Pam, Amy, Willma, Mindy, and so many others.
When we were preparing for my husband’s last deployment, I was preparing myself for a season of loneliness. I prepared to face the time alone by drawing close to God and having him and only him as my constant companion…as my friend.
God surprised me, though, I found such close friendships during that time. As I focused on him and His companionship, He provided so much more than I dreamed to even think about. He blessed me with friends that shared life with me. I also began blogging during this time and was blessed to find online community as well.
In this time of my life when I am facing the struggle of being without new friendships, new community, I am being blessed by drawing closer to my God.
Maybe instead of fighting to find more, He just needs to be enough for me now.
I’m not sure how to tie this post up in a pretty little bow. Real life can’t be handled in that way and real life…my real life…is what I’m sharing with you. I don’t know the answers to this struggle. Is it me? Am I just completely unlikeable? I hope not. Is this just a season that I need to struggle my way through? Maybe. Do I need to do more, to be more. I don’t know.
I do know that I’m not the only one out there with this struggle. I’m not the only one craving friendship. I’m not the only one desiring to find community.
Mary says
What a beautiful post, Monica. I have a feeling we would be good friends if we lived near each other.
I’m blessed to have lived in the same community for almost 7 years now and I have found several genuine, life long friends. I am blessed, and you reminded me of that. Thank you.
LifeAtTheCircus says
I truly appreciated this post… this slice of real life that you shared. I have found that this stage of my life… with older kids involved in activities and me knee deep in homeschooling has made it hard for me to make time for my friends. Unlike when my kids were preschoolers and I was a MOP, I don’t have that day in day out connection with other moms that I did when we were going to play groups during the week. Now I have school during the day, and in a lot of ways, it’s like I went back to work. I have also really dropped the ball in my blogging community as well. I haven’t been blogging or commenting like I used to and most of the bloggers I read (except for you and one other) have stopped blogging regularly. I have struggled to figure out how to start again in blogging… I am not as consistent as I used to be and want to be. I don’t have that consistent big chunk of quiet time for me in the middle of my days anymore and that has made it hard for me to stay on top of housework and blogging and at the end of the day when the kids are all in bed, I am often too tired to do anything else.
I do hope that you can find a community for you at Ft Lee. Have you gone to any PWOC events? I know my SIL has been involved with them for awhile and appreciates that a lot. I wonder if living off post makes it harder to feel connected as your kind of in both worlds… the civilian and the military world. Though I know lots of families do that as well, I just wonder if that is what is different this time around for you. ?!
I will pray for you Monica, that could would richly bless this time in your life… whether it be with those friendships your looking for or with a sweeter communion with Him, or with a sweeter time for you in your marriage or all 3. I wonder if not having your hubby deployed has changed this post for you as well…didn’t he deploy during your last 2 assignments?
Whatever it is, I am confident that it is NOT that your unlikeable. I liked you from the very first post I read of yours and I instantly added you to my blog reader.
Positively Alene says
Oh my girl – you stir back up emotions of those days of new assignments, moving in anticipation, and then realizing I really didn’t fit in to my new community. It’s hard! There is something so special about community. The Word speaks of it over and over. But in this time, I am so thankful you are seeing God more, drawing near to Him, and allowing Him to be your “enough!” Sure wish we were close in distance — I’d have you over for some coffee or tea, and a good chat!!!
Jodi says
I so relate to this. As a military wife, where we are right now has been hard to make good friends. We have been here a year. Oh how I miss some other places because of the friends I had. I know God has a plan, but it is hard moving every 15 months. Praying for you. I love reading your blog. Thanks
Rose-Marie says
Monica, I appreciate you sharing this post. We are also two years in our new community and outside my family, my closest friends are our pet goats. There’s something wrong with this picture. I am nearly homebound, providing total care to my teenage daughter due to her disabilities. Every day I praise the Lord for the blessing of the Internet and how it allows us to connect with friends…but still, a girl craves tangible connections to a community that can actually meet together.
I think you were indeed able to wrap you post up with a beautiful bow when you speak about how the Lord is using this place in the desert to draw you into friendship with Himself. There is nothing richer. I will pray for you this week–for all us girls–to find good friends locally with whom we can share.
Thanks for your wonderful blog…I do enjoy reading it very much!