Our family is getting ready to begin another PCS. In the Army PSC is the acronym for Permanent Change of Station, or basically just another move.
Even though it begins with the word permanent, there’s nothing permanent about it.
My husband is going to his Advanced Chaplain Training. It’s a 6 month assignment…yes, 6 months…I told you there’s nothing permanent about this!
I do feel blessed that the Chaplain school is located in our home state. So, this move will afford us with lots of family time!
Our house will be packed up in less than two weeks and we’ll be in South Carolina in less than three.
With this move, my two oldest girls are old enough to really express how they are feeling about things.
And, of course, they have very different opinions about the move and the changes that we are facing.
EA is very excited and can see nothing but the positives. Yes, she admits that she’s going to miss her friends here, but she is focused on seeing her grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. She is very enthusiastic about the move and can’t wait for it to get here.
MC on the other hand is having a hard time.
She is sad and her heart is breaking at the realization that she’s going to be leaving her home, her room, her church, and her friends. She is looking forward to seeing family, but is deeply saddened at having to leave everything she knows here. She forms deep attachments to people and even things.
Last week during the middle of a spelling lesson, MC looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I don’t want to move.” And she began crying…heart breaking sobs escaped her as she expressed herself. Tears that she has kept hidden came flowing down her sweet face as she said, “I don’t talk about it much.”
And she hasn’t talked about it much. She’s remained very quiet anytime it’s brought up and her sister is bursting with joyous exclamations.
She knows there’s nothing she can do to change this. She has accepted that we are moving, but she is still saddened by leaving.
Last night we had another tearful conversation. She got frustrated with her sister gabbing away at how great everything is going to be and not paying attention to her concerns. Her daddy and I sat with her as she cried again over leaving her home.
She said she wishes she was born here and would always stay here.
She said she wishes her daddy wasn’t in the Army.
She doesn’t want to make her friends…she already has lots of friends here.
She doesn’t want to move into another house…she loves this one.
I couldn’t help but to cry right along with her last night. No move is easy. While I am looking forward to being in my home state, I realize that she doesn’t have one. And I just don’t like to see my babies hurting and this one is right now. She just is.
Military families are resilient.
We have to be.
We’ll walk through this move together as a family and we’ll make it through all the better for it.
Here are some ways that I’m helping my little ones through this time of change:
Allow them to express their feelings.
It’s okay for them to be happy, sad, upset, or whatever else they may be feeling during this time. They need a safe place to come to to express all of these emotions that they are dealing with. Let that safe place be you. Don’t dismiss them or over dramatize them. Just let them express and validate that their feelings are okay.
Help them to see the positives in the situation.
Guide them in looking at the “bright side” of your move. Research your new location, find things they will enjoy about it, and point them out. Help bring them out of the negative thinking rut they may be in by listing or brainstorming all the positives about your move.
Make plans to get them involved in finding friends in your new location.
We signed up our girls and Will for VBS at what will be our new church. They’ll begin meeting new friends the day after we arrive. Find ways to get involved in your new community and share them with your children.
Allow them to be a part of the moving process.
We’re looking for a new home and MC has been by my side today looking at possibilities on the computer. I’m allowing her to voice her opinion about what she sees. She’s getting excited about helping us pick out a new house. The children will also help in unpacking and setting into our new home. They’ll unpack the boxes for their room and make it their own.
Do you have any other suggestions for helping little ones through a big change like our upcoming move?
I’d love to hear them because we’ll be doing this all over again six months from now!
Misti says
Big hugs to MC!!! We are not a military family, but my hubby has gotten relocated a lot for his job. We look ahead to the place we are moving & have each child choose 2 or 3 fun things they want to do/visit once we get moved. Then we have each child choose 2 or 3 things that they want to do/visit in our current location. We make sure we get a picture with them & their friends to take with us, addresses so they can keep in touch, etc. We try to eat at a favorite local restaurant one last time before moving & then look online to see if we can find a similar place to try out once we get moved. Or a park to have a picnic, a place to go walking, etc. This last move, we had our boys talk about a few special memories of our time & then we made a little scrapbook with some pictures, etc. Maybe get a tourist guide for South Carolina & compare the state birds, trees, flowers, weather, etc.
Good luck with your move!
Keith Andrews says
Misti–Thank you for that idea! I really like the idea of having them choosing 2 or 3 things to do here and there. That sounds like a great way of helping the transition. I read somewhere in some Army website that it is a good idea for a family meeting–this would be a good agenda item. Thank you again!
Mary says
Hugs to you, Monica. You are doing a great job as a mom — I’ve watched my brother and his family go through this so many times. His kids (now that three of them are adults) are resilient, wonderful in new situations, and always take charge of things. I know it is because of their mobile lifestyle growing up.
You’ll be in SC? That’s very close to me, you know – I’m only a couple of hours away. Perhaps it would be fun to meet – we travel to NC a lot to visit my husband’s sister.
Hang in there…..
Nicole says
I only had to move once as a child but I remember lots and lots of tears.
Would love to try and meet up sometime while you are in SC!