Why is it that the things that are the most important to me, that I care about to my very core, are the things that I am most insecure about?
I want to be a “good” Christian. To shine the light of Christ wherever I go.
I want to be faithful and obedient.
But I fail time and time again.
I fail so often, I hesitate to get back up and try again.
I forget to trust and rely on Christ’s strength in my Christian walk.
I want to be a loving wife.
I want to serve my husband selflessly.
I want to build him up and encourage him.
I want to be fun to be around.
But I fear that I’m not any of those things.
I want to be the best mommy.
I want my children to trust me…to look up to me.
I want to teach with patience and kindness.
I want to be a wise parent…never yelling or losing my cool over insignificant matters.
I want to reach their hearts.
I’m afraid I’m too hard on those precious little hearts.
I want to be a writer, a blogger who’s able to share my heart with openness, honesty, and vulnerability.
I want to minister and encourage through the words that I write and the stories that I share.
I want to be a part of a community.
But I feel so less than when I look at everyone else in this big ol’ blogosphere.
So lost in the middle of a million other voices much more eloquent than mine.
And with my hobby…no, I cannot even escape my insecurities in my scrapbooking.
I want to scrap creatively.
I want to treasure the memories that my family makes.
I want to capture and record them.
I love creating layouts and sharing them. It’s my passion and my art.
But I look at the layouts of others who are so very talented and once again I feel less than…insecure and lonely.
This is not a post where I have an answer to a problem.
I don’t know how NOT to feel insecure in all these areas (and more).
But I do know that one step to take in being more confident, more sure of who I am and who God has created me to be, is to be honest with myself about the struggles that I face.
Maybe you face them too…
Maybe together we can bring our insecurities to the Lord and ask Him for wisdom and guidance.
Barbie says
Oh friend, you are truly speaking my heart today. I just announced a blogging break for so many reasons. Sometimes we just need to step away and get with Him!
Jodi says
I struggle with this too. thanks for your honesty.
Vicki says
You said so much of what I have been feeling! Thank you for showing me I’m not alone.