Before you had children, did you dream of the type of mother you would be?
I spent lots of time dreaming and fantasizing.
It turns out that I’m not the mother that I dreamed I would be.
I dreamed I would be the type of mother that would cherish each and every moment with her little ones.
Sometimes I am, but the truth is, there are other times when I’m also the type of mother that wishes moments away.
I dreamed I would be the type of mother that would never tire of cuddles and kisses.
Sometimes I am, but the truth is I’m also the type of mother who does tired and doesn’t want to be touched by another human being at the end of the day.
I dreamed I would be the type of mother that would be fun loving and silly, laughing and carrying a cheerful heart throughout the day.
Sometimes I am, but the truth is I’m also the type of mother that is too serious, stressed, and overwhelmed.
I dreamed I would be the type of mother that would sit on the couch and read books all day long.
Sometimes I am, but the truth is I’m also the type of mother that wants to sit alone and send the kids to their rooms to play while I read.
I dreamed I would be the type of mother that would love nursing my babies, breastfeeding would be a piece of cake.
Sometimes I am, but the truth is I’m also the type of mother that cannot wait for my babes to be weaned at a year so I can wear a normal bra and have freedom away from a nursing baby.
I dreamed I would be the type of mother that would have infinite patience.
Sometimes I am, but the truth is I’m also the type of mom that thinks she cannot take one more minute.
I dreamed I would be the type of mother that would give and give without a moment’s hesitation.
Sometimes I am, but the truth is I’m also the type of mother that needs a break from all the giving and desires to take a little.
How do I reconcile what I dreamed I would be with the truth of what I really am?
I think the answer is to realize that I am doing the best that I can.
We all are.
Each season has it’s ups and downs.
More than that, each day contains moments of being the mother I dreamed I would be and the mother I never wanted to be.
It is a constant battle.
Just like you, I’m trying to make it the best way that I know how.
I love my little ones more than I ever thought I could love.
I love being a mother, even when I am filled with regret and disappointment in myself.
Being a mother requires unselfishness and constant sacrifice.
And there’s something within all of us that is utterly selfish and resists sacrifice.
That something is a sinful nature.
It is a constant battle to fight that sin nature hiding within.
My comfort comes from knowing that I do not have to fight this battle alone.
As a believer in Christ, the battle has already been won. I don’t have to succumb to the selfishness that wants to win.
I can turn to the One that can truly comfort and give peace amidst the regrets and disappointments I face.
As I do, I pray that in time I will be changed to be more like the mother I want to be, more like the mother that He desires for me to be.
Thank you for allowing me to share my honest and real thoughts with you, thoughts that leave me vulnerable and transparent.
Post linked to: Sunday Best Meme at No Time for Flashcards and Works for Me Wednesday at We Are THAT Family
Ann Marie @ Household6Diva says
You are an amazing woman!
None of us are what we dreamed we’d be –
But each of us are exactly what HE dreamed us to be!
Keep your eyes fixed on Him and He will give you strength.
.-= Ann Marie @ Household6Diva´s last blog ..One mans trash is another mans treasure =-.
Jessica says
Your words have blessed my heart! How true that we moms wish to be perfect… sometimes we are, but often we’re not! I am so thankful that God has not given up on us! Thank-you for being vulnerable to share your heart- your words are so true in my own life!
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..WORD-filled Wednesday- Boy of Faith & Courage =-.
andrea says
Well stated. I have struggled with this lately. I think you are a fabulous mom!
So many pople have told me that I look so calm when mothering, but I am really churning inside. When all is said and done, I know that my children are loved.
Candy says
Honestly? I never even dreamed I’d become a mother. I’d been told by doctors for years that it would be next to impossible, and I thank God every day that they were wrong.
.-= Candy´s last blog ..Im a Real Housewives Junkie =-.
Kim says
This is a FABULOUS post. I think you expressed my daily disappointment in myself. You explained it and made it such an awesome message. You did a great job!
.-= Kim´s last blog ..Homemade Green Goo =-.
Amy @ MomsToolbox says
This is a beautiful, honest post. Thank you for putting into words so many things I’ve felt, but was sometimes afraid to say out loud.
So many times I sigh and think “I never thought it would be like this…” but there is a lot of beauty in there that I never expected, and causes me to sigh, too.
.-= Amy @ MomsToolbox´s last blog ..Wanna help fulfill the Great Commission =-.
Kimarie @ The Cardamom's Pod says
Beautiful, refreshing post. Like all moms, I struggle with this, too. It’s like Romans 7 – I’m not what I want to be, and I am what I don’t want to be. Only in the forgiveness of Christ, who strengthens me, can I persevere beyond my failures. And I think it’s great to verbalize these feelings from time to time, like David in the Psalms. Thanks for sharing, and may the Lord bless you with grace and peace so that you will not weary of doing good. 🙂
.-= Kimarie @ The Cardamom’s Pod´s last blog ..Wordless- Improvised Hide And Seek =-.
Smockity Frocks says
*standing ovation*
Monica, You have put into words what I think every mother has felt and maybe has been afraid to voice. What a wonderful comfort we have in knowing that our Savior understands! Thank you for this encouragement!
Maggie Mae says
Amen! HNow, how to address my disappointment in myself for NOT being the mother I dreamed I would be… The one I start out being every single morning until she runs away and leaves the mother I really am… warts and all
.-= Maggie Mae´s last blog ..Down Syndrome Awareness – A Second Child and Then Some =-.
Aria says
wow-simply amazing@!!!!!!!!!
Erin @ Closing Time says
You have put my struggles into words so perfectly. I know that I struggle to be the mom that I dreamed of being and so often fall short. I am so thankful for God’s grace and that He will finish the work He has started in me!